Sunday!! =)

Woke up to a blurry sunday morning feeling as if i'm in a hotel... cos my younger sis and i had to sleep in our older sis's (who's in england now so shes not using her room) room. It's a different environment, so feels different. With the air-con on and with me waking up at 7 (yes, i set the alarm at 7 but refused to wake up until 9) momentarily, the combination of the way the curtains are placed and the sunrise and the air-conditioner makes me feel as if i'm in a hotel. =) That kind of "ooh... morning's here... and we're in a different country now away from home...!"

Which makes me think about whether i should just go for YA camp. *SIGH!!!*

I love travelling in groups, and just having fun with your friends and really forgetting about every other single thing and having everything already taken care of... all you've to do is really just to play and enjoy.

But this time's different. *SIGH AGAIN!!!* With fangxian, winnie and meredith not going, i'm really fearful that i'd end up being alone with nobody to run to. =( Let's just say that i'm an anti-social kid... but yet again, i'm detest being lonely in a crowded room. I don't want to try to stick to anyone if they don't want me around. And i don't want to make it obligatory for anyone to take care of me. I could try to go and stick to some people, but it wouldnt' be fun for them... and it may not be fun for me too.

Here's the really bleak scenario i painted... i wouldn't have anybody to sit beside to during the bus ride. Everybody would be happy searching for their roommates while i get roommateless and probably be placed into a room where i'd be an extra. I would sit in a pathetic corner during my meals and not talk to anyone at all. I'd probably be having fun by myself (and with the Holy Spirit). Hee. So according to my calculations, i probably wouldn't be opening my mouth to utter anything to anyone for five whole days... other than the times when we're actually in the conference and having service and all.

*SIGH ONCE AGAIN* If i were in that scenario, i'd probably be left in tears by the end of the whole thing. Trust me, you wouldnt' want to see me in my emo state. I abhor that emo state too.

Cliques include... and exclude as well.

There... i've superficially discussed one of my fears in my life... being left out. Being friendless. Maybe to put it very bluntly across, it's more like... to be ostracized.

Making friends is hardly any instinct for me. It's such a challenge. Haha. I seriously think if i were on the "child of our time" show, i'd be one of the most socially awkward kids walking around. Maybe my personality just doesn't go so well with many people huh.

*SIGH ONCE AGAIN!!!!*

Just thought... i was supposed to be there to enjoy myself right. If i had to make such a huge effort to mix around with others, it wouldn't be really that relaxing anymore. I mean, in other times of my life i would of course try to mix around with others. But for this time... can i really just relax for once?

It's hard sometimes you know.

So what's making me consider going then? Hee. The prospect of going for the conference and just spending time with God lots and lots and lots.

I hope i don't get chided by anyone for writing this. Heh. (the back of my brain goes... you're supposed to fellowship with others believers, aren't you?)