Blogging in the morning

The term morning has taken on a whole new meaning. :) Haha. :)


But oh well. It's so not me to blog in the morning. But well, i'm in church and currently at the 1st level benches cos there's nobody in the church office and i'm getting a lil tired waiting. Checked my mail, did whatever i had to do, and surprisingly today morning, i have no messages to reply. Wheee! :) So it's some time for God and Shujing. :) And some random time for blogging cos i don't feel like starting on my productive work.


Have been quite busy the past few days, and i foresee, for the coming few days too. :) Lydia's supposed to stayover at my house so that we can discuss engage tonight. Haha. So crazy right.. maybe i should start on that very very soon.


Well but the difference from school projects is that, when i'm in church, i don't ever feel so tired cos i'm always with people whom i know love me and wouldnt judge me just based on my efficiency. It's always much more tiring elsewhere, cos everyone's trying to compete. At least in church, we're all working together. And of course, in school you'd almost never get encouragements; what you do is just what you are seen to be should doing anyway (which is true la). When i do church stuff, at least get a sincere thank-you that kinda thing. :)


Hai... see that's me again trying to compare church and school. Haha. Conclusion? Incomparable.


But God, make me see my school in another way and in another perspective. After all, wherever i am, i'm working for the Lord, not for men.

Hey team! :)

Haha. Finally the Gurmit Singh service is over. Ok wait, but there's still Engage and Youth Camp coming up. Haha. :)


Over the past few weeks i've been going to church quite a lot and have been working with people like Lydia, Shaunster and Hosea quite a lot. :) Not that i've never really worked with them before, but haha, this whole combination of GS, Engage and a bit of Youth Camp is just a lil crazy crazy. (At least i don't have church camp like some others have) Haha. But i'm really quite in amazement how those people work for God.


I tell you, i wouldn't dare to do what my darling 3 months friend could do - she called up soooo many people and still could keep in check who she contacted and what she has to do la.... and not only that. She was at home the other day and we were just flooding her with information from church. She's a crazy crazy girl k. Haha. :) How bout the guy who calls my friend 3 months and me 4 months? Haha... go machine at 12mn! :) And the boss? Hee just see him running around here and there and so busy etc!


And that's just the working part. I guess it helps blasting alleluia when we're working... but those guys seem to have such a love for God... always the presence, the power and the anointing. And 3 months, it was such a bubbling joy talked to you about our own QT lives being brought up one notch.


Haha. This must be something quite precious that i typed out one whole blog post for it. I dunno leh. Really respect them now. :) I guess everybody has amazing bits about them that you wont be able to see until you actually really work with them.


But well there's still a lot more to go. I shouldn't get too happy just yet. Haha. :)


(i hope none of them read my blog btw)


Anyway. Hmmm... i think cellies we should have a annual general meeting soon. Yeps. Haha! :)


And Shujing, let's strive for a more balanced lifestyle yes! :)

All about love, not victory.

An extract from a book...


There is a tendency for people to want to read only about the glory stories that come out of this revival that Jesus is leading, but there are gutsy stories, too. ... ... ... ... The very next Monday, I found myself lying facedown on a grass mat with the mother of one of the little girls who had died. I lay down with thsi woman and wept with her, holding her in my arms. It was then taht God said to me, Heidi, it's about love. It's not always about victory. Our whole life cannot be about victory and glory - but it must be about love.


From the Heidi Baker book who has churches where the blind see, the deaf hear, the dumb speak, the crippled walk, the dead get up.





My takeaway? After crying so hard to Sarah Lin on Saturday... our conclusion is that... God is a God of perfect balance. :)

The smile of victory in Christ

On a really random note, i figured out i love songs that have a victorious feel about them. Like winning a gold with honours at SYF and you're crazily hugging your batchmates and crying in joy kind of thing. But something more. I always imagine... having the celebration of a breakthrough in God, when the whole youth group (in my mind, we'd have already filled the 4th floor) singing a declaration of praise and worship to God. Funnily these songs range from Centre of My Life by Hillsong United to Alleluia to Christ The Lord by CHC. They make me melt you know. Haha.


Now to the main point of my blogging.


My spiritual life has been nothing less than quite a roller coaster in the past 2 weeks. Haha.


In the lowest i was so worried i was even thinking, "maybe i should just backslide for a while, then when i come back i'd be sooo hungry for the presence of God once again". Haha. Of course that stupid thought was followed immediately by another stupid one, "eh, but even if i backslide and get back to God, 3 years after that i might not feel the hunger anymore too... then hoowwww?!!"


But i guess, yes it's true, the valleys are usually the fastest ways to the mountaintop.


I thank God i'm starting to get a lil more hungry and desperate for Him. It's like, i've never used so much of my energy to try to yield to the Holy Spirit, you know. Not even during YA camp when i was quite sad for a moment as well. (Even then God talked to me directly through the sermon.... it just addressed every single concern i had at that point of time) I guess Wednesday prayer was quite a good time. :) Especially the manner which the Holy Spirit talked to me through Hosea. Made me understand better what's tarrying... ... but at the same time, understanding God doesn't hear you when finally He reveals Himself to you, but at the time you cried out for Him.


I'm quite happy now you know. Haha. I was perpetually smiling almost the whole time yesterday evening. I mean, not continuously la, cos my muscles would just cramp. But whenever there was a lil opportunity to show my excitement i was smiling. Haha. Maybe this might be something called gladness? :)


All that being said. I declare 3 1/2 years after i got first saved, that i have so little knowledge and personal relationship with God that it puts me to shame entirely. But its in the knowledge of that poverty that i believe God will come and teach me His ways... not of the pathetic knowledge i have acquired over the past few years (which is good but isn't enough), but more of His fullness and realness in my life. Like what Rachael said yesterday, we think we know hunger but we actually don't. Hee. :)


Almost 3 1/2 years of my christian life has past. And in the coming years, Holy Spirit i'll be climbing the mountains with You until i finally see God the Father and Jesus Christ the Son yep.


A real and personal relationship with a Person. :)

Perturbness

I'm greatly perturbed.


It's only slightly correct to say this, but i've just realised how little i know about God and His ways.


God doesn't need scribes... He wants disciples.


But i am quite happy that it has come time me to confront this problem straight on... there's no running away now. :)


While i sort out this problem of mine, there are many more things happening out there in the world. I'll save that for another post to come by.

Worm Shujing. :)

I smiled when i read this verse.


Isaiah 41:14. "Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O Little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."


Indeed, i'm described as "less than nothing". Not that that disturbs me in any sense. I'm fine with being a worm cos i know there's always a mighty living God going with me. :)


Worm Shujing's quite happy today. :)

Psalms (my own version)

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?


My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things i remember
as I pour out my soul:
how i used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,


declaring
"It's the power in the person
of the Holy Ghost.
He is real;
I know He lives.
He's alive, cos' He's so real
In my life."


Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Saviour and my God.

Attempt to make sense of it. :)

Yes once again it's revision, and this time for TWC... and if you would recall i had blogged about this book before. This time again i am yet perturbed... by a few paragraphs talking about by the Spaniards conquered the Incas.


"Governer Pizarro now sent Friar Vicente de Valverde to go speak to Atahuallpa, and to require Atahuallpa in the name of God and of the King of Spain that ATahuallpa subject himself to the law of our Lord Jesus Chirts and to the sreice of His Majesty the King of Spain. Advancing with a cross in one hand and the Bible in the other hand, and oging among the Indian troops up to the place where Atahuallpa was, the Frair thus addressed him:'I am a Priest of God, and I teach Christians the things of God, and in like manner I come to teach you. What I teach is that which God says to us in this Book. Therefore, on the part of God and of the Christians, i besech you to be their friend, for such is God's will, and it will be for your good.'


"Atahuallpa asked for the Book, that he might look at it, and the Friar gave it to him closed. Atahuallpa did not know how to open the Book, and the Friar was extending his arm to do so, when Atahuallpa, in great anger, gave him a blow on the arm, not wishing that it should be opeend. Then he opened it himself, and , without any astonishment at the leters and apper he threw it away from him five or six paces, his face a deep crimson.


'The Friar returned to Pizarro, shouding, 'Come out! Come out, Christians! Come at these enemy dogs who reject the things of God. That tyrant has thrown my bok of holy law to the ground! Did you not see what hapened? Why remain polite and servile toward this over-proud dog when the plains are full of Indians? March out against him, for I absolve you!"


Those few paragraphs served as justification for the mass-slaughtering later on.


Maybe i should enroll myself in some class about God and politics... cos i really can't figure out what the above really amounts too.


And also raises in my mind the question that arises now and then - God is the same forever, but our "religion" always changes with our cultural and political situation. So how much is that ok, and how much is it not?


Well, just for some intellectual thought. Back to mugging my book brainlessly now. :)

Random morning ramblings. :)

Yes, it's once again the happy mornings when i stay at home to study the whole day. :) (And catch up on some sleep as well...) But before i start my smugging, i was obviously reading blogs again and stuff liddat.


Finally after such a long time of reading blogs i figured out that all of us really have our own strongholds (knew that all along but didn't sink into my heart). Stuff that people find obviously wrong about us, but we don't see it cos it's really quite "a part of us" to think or do things in a certain way.


From my current favourite spiritual warfare book by Derek Prince (i shall go buy/borrow some of the books for my after-exam feasting), a stronghold is something that blinds men's minds so that the light of the gospel cannot shine in.


It's not like we haven't been saved yet you know... but it's that part of us that if we breakthrough out of that situation, we'd be able to serve in a greater capacity than we have before... :)


Wheeee i'm still in the process of figuring out what stronghold the enemy has over my life... well, i'm blinded remember? If you have any comments to offer about what kinda stronghold you think i'm suffering in, do tell me (in a nice way if not i'll go crazy). :) Hope i get out of this stronghold soon though... there's so much for me to do such that i really have to unleash my potential. :)


Actually come to think of it (i just visited my own blog), i do have an inkling of what kinda stronghold im stuck in. Haha. It's obvious!!!


But well, in the process of trying to break out of it, it's back to smugging. The topic of the day is Management Science... the world of linear programming, special and queuing models and the such. :)

Bunchies of randomness. :)

Ended off comm meeting just now talking about me building skyscrapers. :) Exciting times ahead! :)


Oh ya another random comment... just realised today that the piano bits in "Best Friend" - the hillsong united album - are really nice! :) Gotta practice my piano harder. :)


Is that all i wanted to say? Yeps! :)

QT. :)

You'd never know how sweet your QT would be until you've done it. :)


Just had to say that - cos my QT just now was especially sweet even though i wasnt in the best of conditions to do QT as i was thinking just one minute before i started my QT when i was in the toilet. Haha.


Like what i learnt at music prac, you don't wait till you're totally clean before you come before God... if you would learn how to come in the state you are, He'd always be able to clean you up. :)

Morning ramblings. :)

It's a on-off struggle doing what you see the need in doing but at the same time you know you're not that talented at it and there are many others much more talented than yourself. (I'm not the only who who feels this way right? haha...)


But i guess... as i have mentioned briefly before, how talented you are is beside the point; how available you are is what really matters. :)


Tagline moment: God doesnt always call the equipped, but He always equips the called.


Sometimes when we're doing what we arent naturally capable of doing, we really really recognize that we're ultimately working with God cos there's really no "our own strength" to rely on.


(oh yay, i have succesfully averted myself from a potential pity-party, congratulations, Shujing!)


Hopping off for games day now! :)

Turbulence! :)

Haha today has been quite an emotionally turbulent day. One of the days when i just talk and mutter to myself.


Well it kinda helped me understand myself better though (although i probably would think others would find these things about me obvious even though i dont notice them myself)...
1) I am quite "weak" sometimes.
2) I can't hide my emotions for nuts. Haha.
3) To others, things which i think i might have done well are just at most "good attempts" with a huge "try harder" following, and that can be quite discouraging. But it's good cos it also means i've got to be really be forgiving towards others who don't meet "my" standards too. Be slow to judge cos i'm really quite bad at it myself too. :)
4) I'm a bad counsellor. For some people la at least. :)
5) I simply don't know myself well enough.


Haha, God has made His creation really interesting. Sometimes, i think i can get just a lil cranky thinking about it. Heh.

Awed. :)

This post will be incoherent cos i don't really know what i'm trying to blog about.


Just kinda follow-upped with 2 girls from kelly's cell who just got saved. Hee. And they do have child-like faith. Which is to me, really precious. It's amazing how God transforms people and opens up their hearts so much that they wanna know about Him so much. :) Supports my personal theory that when you say the sinner's prayer it's as though God gave you the imputed knowledge that He is God and there is none other than Him. A personal revelation when you open up your heart to God. :) When i see people get saved, it really just overwhelms me over again and again that God is indeed real in a real sense. :) He is, the God who Saves. :)


Come to think of it i have been saved for more than three years already. So fast huh. I remember there was a sermon that gave the statistic that a lot of people sitting in church now wouldnt be here 3 years later, and i remember telling my friend that i dont wanna backslide. Haha. I survived 3 years already, and i'm still saying i dont ever wanna backslide... more than that, I wanna love God more and more.


His love is immense, and His grace is always extended. :)

Da supermarket trip. :)

In my opinion, the most romantic place to go for a date: the supermarket. (I'm serious... hee!)

Weird and random thoughts.

When i die....


... I wanna die when God takes me home. If in any case i become some kind of vegetable state, you can take my organs away, but don't try to artificially cut off my life. You don't know what will happen with a few more moments of breath and really, if i need to die, God will take me away.


... I wanna donate my organs (if they can be used) to anyone who needs them. :) My physical body is really of no use to me when i'm going to have a new more perfect version in heaven.


... I wanna have a christian funeral. Not just because its smokeless, more clean and not noisy, but even after i die i wanna honour God until im burned into a puddle of ashes. Hopefully there will be a full sermon (forcing everyone who goes for my funeral to hear a full sermon) that includes the gospel and a altar call for non-believers. Oh ya, if a song should be played, i'm not really familiar with hymns - but how about doing Corrinne May's The Answer? I don't mind that song for my funeral.


... try raising me from the dead only if you really really (as in really really) hear God telling you about it. Haha. I heard a sermon before where the speaker was joking if u try raising someone from the dead that person might sometimes be angry at u cos he/she prefers to be dead than alive. Haha. Cos the thought of having to die again is just, weird. Just a joke k, haha. :)


Don't worry, committing suicide is not on my mind and i seriously don't think i'm going to die anytime soon cos simply, not being ego-istic and self-confident, i still need to live life because i still have a lot of things to do for God. :) Just wrote the whole chunk about donating organs cos that was on the news. (Yes, i listen to the news sometimes...)


Yay. :) Thank God. :)

A bunch of cool pic

I was attempting to do the poster for the coming week... and stumbled upon these pictures which are quite cool. :) From the point of view of google earth.

When Moses parted the red sea:

Hey look, there's Adam and Eve! Oki this was supposed to be Google earth view of the Garden of Eden but i could never really spot the couple, haha.

Yay next up, Noah's ark. :)

Finally, this is kind of a interesting image of the cruxification scene.

Why in the world do we work?

It's an interesting timing to actually be listening to Benny Ho's sermon on "why in the world do we work?", i mean, the in-thing of the season is evanglism eh? Haha... but it was interesting and well if you're interested to know whether you are a workaholic, do the test below...


Personal evaluation to find out whether you are a workaholic:

1. I frequently meet ppl authority, but who are really no better than i
2. Once i start a job, i have no peace until i finish
3. I like to tell ppl exactly what i think
4. Whereas most ppl are conscious about their feelings, i like to deal with facts
5. I worry about business and financial matters
6. I often have anxiety about something or someone
7. I sometimes get so preoccupied with a thought that i can't get it out of my mind
8. I find it difficult to go to sleep because of something bothering me
9. I often find it difficult to relax; i need to be doing something
10. My mind is often occupied by thoughts about what i've done wrong or didn't do
11. My concentration isn't what it used to be
12. My personal appearance is always clean and neat
13. I always feel irritated by a messy table
14. I am more comfortable in a neat, clean working environment
15. I cannot go through a day without a schedule or to-do list
16. I believ that the man who works e hardest should get a head
17. If there's a job to be done, i'll cut down on leisure time
18. My conscience often bothers me about thinhs i've done in e past
19. There are things which i have done in the past that if made public, i would be embarrassed greatly.
20. I feel uncomfrtoable unless i get the highest grade in school
21. It's a bother when ppl get confused because they don't bother to find out about the facts
22. I frequently feel angry without knowing who or what is irritating me
23. I can't stand having my cheque-book or financial matters out of control
24. I think talking about feelings to others is a waste of time
25. I spend a lot of time washing something or keeping things clean
26. I like always to be in control of myself and thingshapenig
27. I have few or no close friends whom i share my feelings with openly
28. I feel i need to know the future to be in control
29. There are sins in life which i committed which i haven't lift down
30. I always avoid being late
31. I rarely give up until e job has been completely finsihed
32. I often expect things expect of myself tha no one would ask of himself
33. I sometimes worry about whether i was wrong or made a mistake
34. I would like others to see me as not having any faults
35. The groups and organistaions i join have strict rules and regulations
36. I believe God has given us commandments to live by, and we feel if we don't live up to them

My score's a happy 24. Haha. (In the congregation at that time only 1 2 ppl had a score above 25... haha)

Oki so what did i realise... i'm prone to being a workaholic.Tsktsk.

Oki besides that part, one thing which really hit me was that there's this thing called primary calling, and this thing called secondary calling. Our primary calling is a calling to being, which is, in other words, a calling to be a child of God. Our secondary calling is to be something - teacher, businessperson, engineer, whatsoever. And those two have to be in balance.

Also, ambition is fine - just that it's like hunger. Too much of it and you become a glutton... too little of it and well, errr, that usually doesn't happen. Haha.

Wheee~

The need to be special and loved. :)

Wheeee i was just thinking back about what Rachael shared at YM service a few weeks ago about girls needing to feel special and to feel loved. Like a princess.


I never really liked to admit that i have such a need (which is usually more subtle that i don't realise its existence... the only time it's obvious is on my birthday if i'm free enough to even think about it), cos it used to seem to me like a sign of weakness. I mean, we're supposed to be complete in Christ yea.


But yea, i'm proud to admit that i have the need to feel special and that need has been fuflilled by God.


Don't know if you actually know the story of how i got saved, so here goes:


The first time i went to any church was when Fangi brought me to City Harvest cos i missed EAOG's christmas service haha. I was blur like sotong and wasn't even really interested in God before that... i had real stupid reasons for going to church k. Firstly i figured i needed a religion, just in case i died early, so that i cld get to at least some heaven. Secondly, i was hearing a lot about the end times coming from my classmates and i was like, huhhhh i'd better get a religion soon la then even if the world came to an end i can save my own skin (actually on hindsight, this was actually a way that God attracted myself to Him... cos i hardly heard about ppl talking about end times in my school etc after i actually got saved, hah). I was actually quite open to any religion... so why did i choose to try out christianity? Cos to me then, it was the more appealing one cos my more "cool" friends are in it. Haha.


Well ok despite me entering church for the wrong reasons, guess what, i had an encounter with God the first time i went to any church. Never even heard about Jesus before, mind you. But in the first service i went to, when the praise song started playing, it was a crazy wooooshhhh. I suddenly felt a sense of deep peace, but at the same time, i felt like cryingggg... not because i was sad. I wasnt unhappy at all at that point of time cos my prelims got a real good perfect score. But ya, i felt peaceful at the same time i felt like crying. Like nothing i have ever felt before. In an instant i was brought to meet God, even though i couldnt even make sense of what was happening around me and i refused to cry. (well which is actually why i value worship so muchhhh... because the start of my salvation was during praise and worship) Anyways, first time to church, nopes didnt accept Christ.


FIrst time didnt accept Christ, never mind. Second time was to EAOG for a production (which i never figured out what it was haaaa... i was honestly blur throughout the whole thing). I suppose an altar call was given... but i cant remmeber that at all. All i can recollect now is that after the whole production ended, i was crying again because of a special touch from God... crying to Sarah Seow and Fangi was around too and some others. Can you imagine that? I was crying like nutttsss AFTER a productionnnnnnnnn.... there wasnt even any nice music in the background! Anyway, had in mind possible parental objections so didnt accept God then.


Third time to a church... this time to Ignite. 22nd Jan 2005, if i'm not wrong. That was the service which was, as i learnt later on, supposed to empower believers, i think. Dunno if an altar call was given for newcomers. But that day the hall was sooo crowded i think some of our churchies were standing on the steps to the stage. I was in like quite a happy corner of cornerstone... and guess what. Crying again. Couldnt help it this time... felt God's love soooo deeply that i knew i can never ever deny His presence and His reality. Aunty Aye Lan came over and she obviously could see me crying like mad and she knew i was new and she asked me whether i wanted to receive Christ. By then i was in a whole puddle of tears and figured, there was no way i could deny Christ ever. So i said the sinner's prayer. And in that instant, it was as if i suddenly knew who God was, who Jesus was... and when i confessed that He's my Lord and Saviour, i did it with all my heart, not cos i learnt about Jesus before that, but because of an instant imputed knowledge given by God when i confessed all my sins.


Ok that was a long story.


Eventually it took me around one month to stop crying during service. I'm serious. I was crying every single time i talked to someone about God or someone talked to me about God. And i stopped crying not because i didnt feel that touch anymore... but because, i got used to it. That peace which made me, the sinnerr who knew nothing about God and didnt really wanna know Him, cry and sob, is now readily available. I still feel the presence of God coming into my heart everytime i talk to Him... on the bus, when i'm walking, when i do QT... though i don't cry because of that anymore; because i'm soooo used to it already because it's always so available to me.


The other characters mentioned in my testimony have probably forgot about all these things already. But i remember, and God remembers too.


And until now i haven't heard of anyone else who has a story in this same manner and in the same encounter. This is my own salvation testimony, which makes me feel sooo special, and greatly loved. Just a princess? I think even more than that. :)

Recess

Shout with me, "RECESS!"

Yayyyyyyy.