The smile of victory in Christ

On a really random note, i figured out i love songs that have a victorious feel about them. Like winning a gold with honours at SYF and you're crazily hugging your batchmates and crying in joy kind of thing. But something more. I always imagine... having the celebration of a breakthrough in God, when the whole youth group (in my mind, we'd have already filled the 4th floor) singing a declaration of praise and worship to God. Funnily these songs range from Centre of My Life by Hillsong United to Alleluia to Christ The Lord by CHC. They make me melt you know. Haha.


Now to the main point of my blogging.


My spiritual life has been nothing less than quite a roller coaster in the past 2 weeks. Haha.


In the lowest i was so worried i was even thinking, "maybe i should just backslide for a while, then when i come back i'd be sooo hungry for the presence of God once again". Haha. Of course that stupid thought was followed immediately by another stupid one, "eh, but even if i backslide and get back to God, 3 years after that i might not feel the hunger anymore too... then hoowwww?!!"


But i guess, yes it's true, the valleys are usually the fastest ways to the mountaintop.


I thank God i'm starting to get a lil more hungry and desperate for Him. It's like, i've never used so much of my energy to try to yield to the Holy Spirit, you know. Not even during YA camp when i was quite sad for a moment as well. (Even then God talked to me directly through the sermon.... it just addressed every single concern i had at that point of time) I guess Wednesday prayer was quite a good time. :) Especially the manner which the Holy Spirit talked to me through Hosea. Made me understand better what's tarrying... ... but at the same time, understanding God doesn't hear you when finally He reveals Himself to you, but at the time you cried out for Him.


I'm quite happy now you know. Haha. I was perpetually smiling almost the whole time yesterday evening. I mean, not continuously la, cos my muscles would just cramp. But whenever there was a lil opportunity to show my excitement i was smiling. Haha. Maybe this might be something called gladness? :)


All that being said. I declare 3 1/2 years after i got first saved, that i have so little knowledge and personal relationship with God that it puts me to shame entirely. But its in the knowledge of that poverty that i believe God will come and teach me His ways... not of the pathetic knowledge i have acquired over the past few years (which is good but isn't enough), but more of His fullness and realness in my life. Like what Rachael said yesterday, we think we know hunger but we actually don't. Hee. :)


Almost 3 1/2 years of my christian life has past. And in the coming years, Holy Spirit i'll be climbing the mountains with You until i finally see God the Father and Jesus Christ the Son yep.


A real and personal relationship with a Person. :)