The need to be special and loved. :)

Wheeee i was just thinking back about what Rachael shared at YM service a few weeks ago about girls needing to feel special and to feel loved. Like a princess.


I never really liked to admit that i have such a need (which is usually more subtle that i don't realise its existence... the only time it's obvious is on my birthday if i'm free enough to even think about it), cos it used to seem to me like a sign of weakness. I mean, we're supposed to be complete in Christ yea.


But yea, i'm proud to admit that i have the need to feel special and that need has been fuflilled by God.


Don't know if you actually know the story of how i got saved, so here goes:


The first time i went to any church was when Fangi brought me to City Harvest cos i missed EAOG's christmas service haha. I was blur like sotong and wasn't even really interested in God before that... i had real stupid reasons for going to church k. Firstly i figured i needed a religion, just in case i died early, so that i cld get to at least some heaven. Secondly, i was hearing a lot about the end times coming from my classmates and i was like, huhhhh i'd better get a religion soon la then even if the world came to an end i can save my own skin (actually on hindsight, this was actually a way that God attracted myself to Him... cos i hardly heard about ppl talking about end times in my school etc after i actually got saved, hah). I was actually quite open to any religion... so why did i choose to try out christianity? Cos to me then, it was the more appealing one cos my more "cool" friends are in it. Haha.


Well ok despite me entering church for the wrong reasons, guess what, i had an encounter with God the first time i went to any church. Never even heard about Jesus before, mind you. But in the first service i went to, when the praise song started playing, it was a crazy wooooshhhh. I suddenly felt a sense of deep peace, but at the same time, i felt like cryingggg... not because i was sad. I wasnt unhappy at all at that point of time cos my prelims got a real good perfect score. But ya, i felt peaceful at the same time i felt like crying. Like nothing i have ever felt before. In an instant i was brought to meet God, even though i couldnt even make sense of what was happening around me and i refused to cry. (well which is actually why i value worship so muchhhh... because the start of my salvation was during praise and worship) Anyways, first time to church, nopes didnt accept Christ.


FIrst time didnt accept Christ, never mind. Second time was to EAOG for a production (which i never figured out what it was haaaa... i was honestly blur throughout the whole thing). I suppose an altar call was given... but i cant remmeber that at all. All i can recollect now is that after the whole production ended, i was crying again because of a special touch from God... crying to Sarah Seow and Fangi was around too and some others. Can you imagine that? I was crying like nutttsss AFTER a productionnnnnnnnn.... there wasnt even any nice music in the background! Anyway, had in mind possible parental objections so didnt accept God then.


Third time to a church... this time to Ignite. 22nd Jan 2005, if i'm not wrong. That was the service which was, as i learnt later on, supposed to empower believers, i think. Dunno if an altar call was given for newcomers. But that day the hall was sooo crowded i think some of our churchies were standing on the steps to the stage. I was in like quite a happy corner of cornerstone... and guess what. Crying again. Couldnt help it this time... felt God's love soooo deeply that i knew i can never ever deny His presence and His reality. Aunty Aye Lan came over and she obviously could see me crying like mad and she knew i was new and she asked me whether i wanted to receive Christ. By then i was in a whole puddle of tears and figured, there was no way i could deny Christ ever. So i said the sinner's prayer. And in that instant, it was as if i suddenly knew who God was, who Jesus was... and when i confessed that He's my Lord and Saviour, i did it with all my heart, not cos i learnt about Jesus before that, but because of an instant imputed knowledge given by God when i confessed all my sins.


Ok that was a long story.


Eventually it took me around one month to stop crying during service. I'm serious. I was crying every single time i talked to someone about God or someone talked to me about God. And i stopped crying not because i didnt feel that touch anymore... but because, i got used to it. That peace which made me, the sinnerr who knew nothing about God and didnt really wanna know Him, cry and sob, is now readily available. I still feel the presence of God coming into my heart everytime i talk to Him... on the bus, when i'm walking, when i do QT... though i don't cry because of that anymore; because i'm soooo used to it already because it's always so available to me.


The other characters mentioned in my testimony have probably forgot about all these things already. But i remember, and God remembers too.


And until now i haven't heard of anyone else who has a story in this same manner and in the same encounter. This is my own salvation testimony, which makes me feel sooo special, and greatly loved. Just a princess? I think even more than that. :)