Crossroads

I guess i brought myself to this crossroad which could have never existed...

Music prac vs Band.

Haha.

Hehh you might be wondering what's the big fuss about that? Cos its more than just one activity of Shujing's life replacing anymore. It's a complicated issue which actually led me to rethink my spiritual walk with God.

Obvious decision? My leaders are generally saying no. But why is it so hard to say no now but it was so easy to say no then? I was happily leaving band early then cos i had to rush off to church for music practice. Why not now? Why is it at this time in my life when ministry is getting so much more fruitful that i have placed myself in such a situation that threathens to jeopardize my church stuff? Why?

Because of wrong intentions? Because of hidden motives? Because i never dared asking God about it for i had my own agenda to fulfill? Because... perhaps... i never trusted God that much to know that He can provide for anything? Because of a sudden self-righteousness that makes it hard to put down my pride and obey God?

Hee, think integrity issues. My integrity is in constant testing now. Cos i think integrity is harder to exercise with peer pressure (albeit positive ones) around.

Does my soul long for you as the deer pants for the water, as much i as did? Is it already diluted by 1 month of school? I should never have been in this position ever.

Better is one day in Your courts, than a thousand elsewhere.