My Church

I don't think anyone would feel the same way as i do...

But after finding out the real history of our church, i am so like, arghhhh only now i understand why 40 years and youths are SO SIGNIFICANT!

After finding out the real history of church, i am so like, arghhh now i understand why that whole emphasis on joshua crossing the jordan river!

After finding out the real history of our church, i am so like, ahhhh now i now why Ps Tan's message was not just a good message, but it was a God-sent message for OUR CHURCH AS A WHOLE!

COS OUR CHURCH LIFE SERIOUSLY PARALLELS THAT EXPERIENCE, FROM MOSES TO JOSHUA!

Which makes me all teary eyed... cos now after one entire full cycle, i'm part of the bunch that's gonna cross the jordan river and take down the walls of jericho... cos i'm part of a brand new generation... :)

There's a new found respect for all the adults who stayed faithful to this church, there's a new found hope and meaning to what the pastors say when they say we're on the treshold of something new. :) I understand now, i understand now. :)

Saturday Night

Last Saturday night i was stoning like nobody's business. :)

This Saturday night, i'm touched like nobody's business. :)

THANK GUYS, YOU ALL MAKE IT ALL WORTH IT FOR ME. :)

Thanks to everyone in my zone, esp my Project D kids... all of you are amazing guys with such amazing potential! :) I'll pull up my socks and do the best i can to grow all of you! :)

Thanks to all my leaders, who invested in me and believed in me. :) (thanks esp to my coffee buddy whom i still owe coffee too, thanks for teaching me so much))

Thanks to God... :) He's the start, end and everything else in between of it all. :)

My life's more worth than living, my work's more with than just working... cos it's for you all. :)

Dinners, Meetings, Ideas

Yesterday Starbucks was a majorly good time. :)

From then i had many ideas flowing... wow... there's so much to do for this youth group, so much that can be discussed so that we can accomplish our vision. :) I'm so excited. :)

As for the zone, more plans coming up... :) More things happening. :)

I'm in such a dreamy state now i find it a lil insane... but i like it when ideas come, when i start dreaming... :)

This was the question posed to me during dinner yesterday, "where do you see the youth group in 2 years time?"... and it struck me: what i believe for it to be is where it can become at. :)

SAY HI TO DREAMS AND VISIONS. :)

On a random sidenote... hmm... how to find boyfriend liddat ah. Haha. :)

i felt the love of God

So when i imagined Jesus... when i imagined Jesus standing right in front of me, looking into my eyes, stretching out His hands...

I started to hear other ppl laughing... Holy Laughter yoo...

But i started crying. Trust me man, i tried smiling too. But couldnt work. The more He said about the joy of the Lord, the more i cried. When i tried to get a smile onto my face (which i usually do for worship), it didnt worked... i sobbed!

I wasnt sobbing about anything in particular. In fact, today i didnt even care whether crying was weird when others were laughing and he was talking about the joy of the Lord. I knew for sure i was in the presence of God and if He wanted me to cry, i would.

So i sobbed, harder each time Ps Mike Connell mentioned something more about the presence of God flowing.

When he gave the altar for joy of the Lord, i didnt go up. Duh, i was crying for nuts. Hahaha. :) Then Pastor Mark came to me, hugged me and prayed for me while i, well, once again, had another flow of tears rushing out and sobbing.

None of it was sad sobs or sobs over a particular incident or situation. I remmeber clearly thinking that my mind was in a blank! It was sobs of peace, sobs of joy, sobs of i-know-this-is-where-im-meant-to-be. It's was beautiful. :)

Unexpected that i cried? Not really... :) That's the way i usually express God's love flowing into me.. crying... when i feel no sad or negative emotions. :)

I'm very glad. :) Glad that even now, the peace of God is in my heart. :)

THANK YOU LORD. :)

And the finance Word was unexpected, but good... and very happiness. :)

Mike Connell

Nopes once again there wasnt any crazy "manifestations" nor "specific prophecies"... and seriously i dont have to be jealous of that. :)

Because...

God already spoke clearly... i needa speak faith into my own life because God intends for me to be so. I need to believe not just in miracles, but believe that God wants me to have each and every miracle. :) I need to believe not just in a God of abundance, but that God wants me to be abundant.

Yes i cryyyy when i see other people get their breakthrough cos im just so touched and happy for them...

But ultimately i need to believe that even for myself, God wants the best for me as well. :) God loves me, as much as i think and know He loves others. :)

God is so awesome. :)

Him

"Cant live a day without Your presence, closer to You i wanna be"...

How good He has been to me but i've neglected Him...

God, restore, revive, and take the whole of me again.

:)

Official

It's official. :) I have nothing to do now until tomorrow comes. :) For work only lah. :)

Today i was working on a touchscreen tablet pc. It was... shiok. :) Very easy to use yo! :)

But anyways now i'm in a cranky mode cos im rather tired. :)

Saving the words of wisdom for another day when i'm more energetic! :)

MUCH LOVES! :)

Personal prayer

Haha, i wanted to write that i'd better pray for myself every day, and pray for everything else every day. Then i realised, i should just do a solid tabernacle prayer every day then it covers everything, and bible reading should be within tabernacle prayer also lah. :)

Yay i shall extend my QT time... i needa wake up earlier to seek God! :)

Whole Brain Yo! :)

Honestly i didnt expect i would react in such a way to the whole brain profile that i got. :)

I think over these few months i've been picking up mental notes about who people want me to be... and i've been trying too hard to conform to the image. And when too many people tell me who i should be, i try to fulfill everyone's wishes to try to be everything.

How bout this: if you can love me for who i am, i'd accept myself for who i am right now? 

(well, a few months ago i would have been green. Going by how it looks, i think next few months im changing the red. Correction, red's going up quite a bit already haha. Then after that i'd change the yellow. Then finally i'd fulfill my grand plan to move to whole brain hahahhahaa)

I need to continually remind myself that they mentioned again and again: your thinking style doesnt measure your competence! (then that begs the question... am i competent?)

Who i am now, might actually be more than thinking style: values, behaviours, emotions, intellect, will.

Who i can be though, is something else to seek God about. :) I'd change, if He says i should. :)

I'm comforted, cos God says He loves me (even if i had no brain at all). :p

Change

It was a acknowledgment that within the past 6 months i backtracked the past 3 years.

Case of a common known syndrome of slow degradation where one step down leads to many other small steps down.

Not proud of it - but i'm able to change my lifestyle once again. To mould it into someone i want to be.

Honestly when did shujing start listening to weird chick flick songs man... hmmm...

Sorry, but i'm just going to have to reject your invitations to pity parties.

ecosystem

It sounded really like a good idea... a brilliant idea... a big idea. But what's was missing: the users.

Technology many years ago was production driven - cos back then it was about what was impossible but what people wanted being made possible.

But technology now is primarily user driven - cos now people know anything is possible, but they dont want what they're producing.

Its's a changing space, and the users are the biggest players in the industry.

growing up

We're all growing up. :)

We've grown to love more. Interestingly in church, you realise people get close to people they would otherwise not even meet if they had not been in the same church. It's almost like you get to see people from a totally different world when we all congregate together in the same church. :)

We've grown to worship bigger. To move out of who God was to us 3 years ago, to who God is to us now. Even for my idea of God... and of christatianity... everything has changed so much now. In depth, in breadth, and in height. :)

We've grown to empower larger. :) 3 years ago all i did was protecting. Now, with all my naggings all these years, i dont think i needa protect anymore. You all have your sound mind to comprehend what's right and what's wrong. It's time to send out. :)

We're all... growing up. :)

Work Related

Wheeeeee....

Sat in for a meeting today with a major company (cannot mention here, just in case i get sued for confidentiality purposes...), they were talking about futuretv, futuremobile, testbeds and etc etc. But what caught my attention the most was... something about... the future of the screens is that you integrate your virtual world with your physical world. So it won't be social networking on a virtual level alone, but rather, at least something location based. And if possible, real life avatars, or sounds or signals that combined both physical and virtual worlds.

But i was then once again thinking about the purpose of that. Virtual combined with physical world... hmmm... i would rather a million times over the heavenly and spiritual realm into this physical realm rather than the virtual world. Maybe i'm just old fashioned. But hey, nothing beats having a chat over dinner and then a movie at Cathay (with the good and sweet popcorn). It makes sense... it's sometimes anointing that makes the difference when you communicate with someone. And how do you wanna bring across anointing over the virtual world? Cann is cann lahh but hmmm. I get into more trouble when communicating online or even through the phone k.

But yes i'm not here to whine about the boons and banes of technology...

After all, i just finished playing a few rounds of Baja (car racing game on xbox) at work. :) Imagineee thatttt~~

you are the rhema

At the end of the week, this post stands as a reminder to myself for the many more weeks to come: do not invite petty issues so that you can entertain your life with stupid and unproductive thoughts and tantrums.

:)

But also at the end of this week, this post stands as a reminder to myself for the many more weeks to come: you are the rhema from the logos. :) You are the Christian from the Christ. :) Be found within God... and you'd reMEMBER that meeting that happened before time began; the meeting where God thought of me and you, and predestined us for the greatness in this life. (feeling proud of summarizing the book within a few lines)

:)

Once again at the end of this week, this post stands as a reminder to myself for the many more weeks to come: do eat regular meals and dont skip meals as and when you find youself lazy to eat!

:)

Neverthless at the end of this week, this post stands as a reminder to you for the many more weeks to come: whoever's reading this... you are dear to me and i love you! Be blessed. :)

:)

work

It was rather hilarious... there was a lift under repair today at my office... and the sign read "lift under stimulation"... was quite blur in the morning so actually missed the "t" until my colleague talked about. Haha. -.-

Well on another rather separate and random note... i was just wondering if such "technology innovation" was just purely for the sake of it; if "experience creation" wasnt substantial enough. Let's take an ebook for example... i dont think im a old-fashioned person, but i wld definetly prefer a physical book - although it weighs more, it can be carried around and you dont have to stare at screens that make you more tired than usual.

Oh btw... they were talking about having the 3 screens combined and collaborated into one single screen cloud thingem. :) Which i thought was a cool idea but at the same time - what kinda medical effects does it have?

I was pretty tired these few days... but not cos i worked very hard, but because i had to stare at the screen for long hours without taking my eyes off them. Think if i were in church doing stuff other than staring at the computer screen, i would have worked hard but not have been so tired.

So... the question at the end of this blog post: what is the point of such innovations?

And the answer... is.... (blank)

blessing

Because i started with nothing, everything is a blessing.

I cannot be fighting for my rights, because whats "right" and "just" has been meted to me.

I no longer work for my own dreams, but i work for the purposes of God... and i know eventually God will bless me so muchhh because of the nature of God Himself; He seeks to bless because He loves.

I dont strive to achieve something big just for the sake of it, but i strive to achieve all God has intended for me (which is usually big).

Every blessing in itself is absolute; just because something is small doesnt mean it isnt a blessing, just because something is flawed doesnt mean it isnt a blessing, just because something falls short of the what is the perfect doesnt mean that it isnt a blessing.

Because of this,

- I dont mind living in a hdb flat in future. That is a blessing. But a landed property or a seaview-like condo is good; it's a blessing too.

- I dont mind driving a small lil toyota yaris or even take public transport next time. That is a blessing. But having a bmw is a blessing too.

- I dont mind if i get 3.4 GPA. That is a blessing. But 3.8 is a blessing too.

- I dont mind serving God along in future. That is a blessing. But being able to serve alongside some man that i've committed my life to is a blessing as well. (i wanted to add more to the man thing, but i decided, everyone has a huge destiny lah...) 

I want the airport

It's another relaxed night and i get to slack a bit... NAH. :) Haha. I was supposed to give angee tuition tonight.... but i pushed it to tomorrow morning so that tonight i can work like mad with the to-do list i happily built up for myself over this afternoon. :) 

Wow shujing really can find work to do man. :) Haha.

So tomorrow, it's going to be another quiet day again. :) I need to be more independent lah. But at the same time. Haiyaaa. Dunno lahhhh. :) I quit thinking.

In all irony, i want the airport.

Office

It's currently a rainy morning and i'm blogging in the office. Hmm. Yes, im slacking right in the office, but not by choice... none of my supervisors are ard... hmm. 

I have decided, the next internship, i'm going to get some bank/finance institution one... the work until you cannot tahan kind. :) Haha. :) I need a more intensive work environment.... cos it somehow feels as if i'm having a holiday around here, haha. :)

Even hanging around in church last year felt better (and working hours were much longer, haha).

I think i feel useful working, that's why i like to work. 

But other than all such workaholic tendencies, i'm quite a normal person - with no plans up for labour day. :)

Big purchases

The big purchases in the coming 3 months of me earning money:

1) The Adobe student set

2) Rebond hair?

3) Ipod classic

Reminder to self: please, save money from the meals and the movies... and give more back to God.

slowing down, only TEMPORARILY!

I just realised, i already watched before the CHC sermon that i'm watching now. Hahahahaha. :) Aiyo, didnt remember, until i reached the super funny part about sexual relationships. Hmm. 

But anyways, so yes i'm like enjoying myself at home now slacking. 

I really think i cant hold on to such a kinda lifestyle for long, but just for a while, to breathe, to enjoy, not to think, and slow down to hear from God, is coolness. :)

I want to watch more of asia con, to think more God's revelations, to become closer to God. :)

When i save up enough money, can i be selfish and get for myself a ipod classic so that i can store music on my ipod instead of my harddisk cos my harddisk is running out of space and my music takes up like 30gb? :)

But anyways if you've seen me in my unhappy mood, i'm so sorry. :( I only just realised how insecure i am...