There are so many many things to be, so many things that i should excel in, so many things that i cannot just do but must do very well at that. I need to score good results, to be a valuable member in the groups i belong to, to add value wherever i am, to prosper, to be the head and not the tail.
The struggle comes... what if i'm not there yet?
What if there's a seemingly insurmountable discrepancy between who i am now and who i am supposed to be now? The discrepancy is so huge i can get sometimes pressurized by that huge gap that i somehow have to fill. Then there's somehow that distorted thought that it was never meant to be easy; so just work harder! Think about the whole verse about i beat up my body so that it can come into slavery for Christ. So the struggle is compounded when i see that i should never stop moving on relentlessly because that's what i ought to be doing. It's like a struggle to reach where i think is impossible to reach, and that can get quite tiring at times.
But then again. Were they lying when they said they were too ordinary people committed to an extraordinary dream? Was the bible lying when it gave testament to how every single amazing biblical character was once so flawed but yet eventually emerged victorious? Was He ever lying when He said that the Holy Spirit would be my helper? Was He ever lying when He even youths would grow weary but those who wait upon Him would soar on wings like eagles? I can say this for sure - No.
What's left to figure and struggle about? - that even as i trust in God, i need to trust and have confidence in myself, that i can do it too. :)
(sudden realisation... the struggle is cos i'm trying to use my natural strength to bring forth what God was supposed to using His supernatural strength....)
On a random note... i was actually watching tv the other day (wow....), and it was a korean drama. Haha. Greatest take-away: when we look at weak people, sometimes we despise them? We actually think that they're just living in self-pity and they should just snap out of it? But for people you love and when you really know what they're going through, when they're so weak, you dont actually feel irritated? You feel like you love them even more and you really really wanna help them along... you actually want to care for them more. I thank God that He loves me, and i believe that when i'm weak, it just makes me wanna care for me even more. :) Haha. :) It's a comforting thought k! :)
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